WHEN I WAS A KID... I thought going to a top university meant I could get a job.

WHEN I WAS A KID... I thought going to a top university meant I could get a job.  Confession kid

hot girl at party says, "i want you" and pushes you back into the bathroom you just walked out of just got done pooping

hot girl at party says,

I just spent an hour straightening my hair but now it's raining

I just spent an hour straightening my hair but now it's raining  First World Problems

My girlfriend is saving herself for marriage we do everything butt sex

My girlfriend is saving herself for marriage we do everything butt sex  Bad Joke Eel

Everyone drives unnecessarily large SUVs and nobody bats an eye drive an old muscle car and everybody loses their minds

Everyone drives unnecessarily large SUVs and nobody bats an eye drive an old muscle car and everybody loses their minds  Joker Mind Loss

Record for the smallest penis? Must be hard to beat!

Record for the smallest penis? Must be hard to beat!  Lame Pun Coon

calls police to complain cars are driving too quickly through his subdivision police set up speed trap and only person they catch is my wife speeding home from work after a bad day

calls police to complain cars are driving too quickly through his subdivision police set up speed trap and only person they catch is my wife speeding home from work after a bad day  Bad Luck Brian

During an interview Ask how strict their sexual harassment policy is

During an interview Ask how strict their sexual harassment policy is  Malicious Advice Mallard

Friend says he will pick me up at 9:00 It's 9:08. He isn't coming.

Friend says he will pick me up at 9:00 It's 9:08. He isn't coming.  Paranoid Parrot

Not sure if it's ok to drink since it's almost 5 or not allowed cause I just woke up.

Not sure if it's ok to drink since it's almost 5 or not allowed cause I just woke up.  Futurama Fry