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Turns on computer to check something gets distracted, surfs net, only remembers at the exact same time you turn it off again.

Turns on computer to check something gets distracted, surfs net, only remembers at the exact same time you turn it off again. Scumbag Brain
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186,570 shares

Need a break from Kony? why not zoidberg?

Need a break from Kony? why not zoidberg? Futurama Zoidberg
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174,728 shares

I have to wake up at 4 AM because I'm going on vacation

I have to wake up at 4 AM because I'm going on vacation First World Problems
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510,846 shares

My wallet won't close There's too much money in it

My wallet won't close There's too much money in it First World Problems
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335,794 shares

had sex with girlfriend during day light savings lasted an extra hour

had sex with girlfriend during day light savings lasted an extra hour Success Kid
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200,218 shares

makes pride one of the seven deadly sins sends you to hell if you don't worship him

makes pride one of the seven deadly sins sends you to hell if you don't worship him Scumbag Advice God
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332,543 shares

See's it's daylight savings time "hey all the clocks are back on time"

See's it's daylight savings time
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465,537 shares

I don't always listen to rap in the car but when i do, i turn down the volume when i see a black person

I don't always listen to rap in the car but when i do, i turn down the volume when i see a black person The Most Interesting Man In The World
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423,939 shares

"Life always gives you another chance. It's called 'tomorrow'" False. the end of your life will result in a discernable lack of tomorrow.
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287,827 shares

Can hear self chewing Chew slower because everyone else might hear it too

Can hear self chewing Chew slower because everyone else might hear it too Socially Awkward Penguin
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508,752 shares