Turns on computer to check something gets distracted, surfs net, only remembers at the exact same time you turn it off again.

Turns on computer to check something gets distracted, surfs net, only remembers at the exact same time you turn it off again.   Scumbag Brain

Need a break from Kony? why not zoidberg?

Need a break from Kony? why not zoidberg?  Futurama Zoidberg

I have to wake up at 4 AM because I'm going on vacation

I have to wake up at 4 AM because I'm going on vacation  First World Problems

My wallet won't close There's too much money in it

My wallet won't close There's too much money in it  First World Problems

had sex with girlfriend during day light savings lasted an extra hour

had sex with girlfriend during day light savings lasted an extra hour  Success Kid

makes pride one of the seven deadly sins sends you to hell if you don't worship him

makes pride one of the seven deadly sins sends you to hell if you don't worship him  Scumbag Advice God

See's it's daylight savings time "hey all the clocks are back on time"

See's it's daylight savings time

I don't always listen to rap in the car but when i do, i turn down the volume when i see a black person

I don't always listen to rap in the car but when i do, i turn down the volume when i see a black person  The Most Interesting Man In The World

"Life always gives you another chance. It's called 'tomorrow'" False. the end of your life will result in a discernable lack of tomorrow.

Can hear self chewing Chew slower because everyone else might hear it too

Can hear self chewing Chew slower because everyone else might hear it too  Socially Awkward Penguin